Life of a broken

Curse Or A Blessing

2007-05-30T23:09:00.000-07:00

Is the birth of me a curse or a blessing? From what I have known I have never been happy before in my birthday, not even once, even if it was my 18th birthday. So what? My family members dun give a fucking damn. I think they will be even more happy if I was nv born. It was a mistake made by God to put me here. Many a times, I feel like picking up the phone and call a Adoption Centre and ask if I could give myself up for adoption. I feel I will be happier living in a adoption centre or with some other family.
Can someone just sponsored me to go for an DNA screening? Many people may be thinking why I took Bboying as my passion, I dunno myself neither, I just feel very free doing it, venting all my loneliness, my anger and my hunger for love all at once. What can I do? I can only talk or express it through my dance and style. Family love was lost, friends gone, God gone, Dance remains, my crew remains. People just look too much upon studying, what about creativity, you are tellng me they dun deserved to showcase their talents? Look at America, ever wonder why they are so properous? They have talents of all aspects, dancing, studying, watever you named it, they have it. Why can't Assholes(Singaporeans) learned from them more. You wanna challenged in studying, then why not play my game of battling me in dancing, do you what it takes to dance with me?
Time has changed, if people dun turn towards the world's standard, people will stay jobless. Parents are too negative with their children or maybe just towards teenagers. Every sport has a risk to take, if God wanna end your life, no matter how gentle your sport is, your lifeline is fixed, example: Jogging - You are jogging, you slip and knock your head, you'll dead. I am 18 now, I still feel myself trapped. I wanna break free, I can't take it anymore.
Give your Children a fucking break, your children are too tired or breathless from your bearhugs.
Blessing - None, no one gave me a chance to be a blessing. Negative bastards and bitches died, you motherfuckers, you are not worth living.

Grim aka Ah Chuck of Ground Revolt Crew

Complete song of the Penis song

2007-05-21T08:56:00.001-07:00

Dear Penis
I don't think I like anymore
You used to watch me shaked
Now all u do is stare at the floor
Oh dear Penis
I don't like you anymore.
It used to be u and me
A paper towel, and a dirty magazine
That's all we needed to get by.

Now it seems things have changed
I think that your the one to blame.

Dear Penis
I don't like u anymore.

Now he sings
Dear Jona
I don't think I like u anymore,
'Cause when u get to drinkin'
You put me places I've never been before.
Dear Jona,
I dont like u anymore.

Why can't we just get a grip
On our man to hand relationship.

Come to terms with truly how we feel.
If we put our heads together,
We'd just stay home forever

Dear Penis
I think I like you after all.
Oh and Jona
While yer shavin'
Shave my balls

The ultimate tear

2007-05-21T07:09:00.000-07:00

Oh dear 'penis'
I don't think I like you anymore
You used to watch me shaked
All you do is stare at the floor

Oh dear penis
I don't like you anymore
It used to be you and me
A towel and dirty magazine
All we need to get mad

That was a little song dedicated to me and my penis.

Well, here is my long gone post. It really feels fuck when you know what to do and people tell you to have more commitments in the things which they fucking wan you to have. It is not you, it is them. So when the fuck they give a damn abt what you wan to do? Seriously I am telling you they give not even a fucking penny of thoughts to what you wan to do. Not to said all people are like tat, I am fucking talking about Aaron and Patricia to be specified.

This is how it goes, I have a personal training for myself in dancing which takes half an hour of my day and I could only dance at night everyday. And this week was a cramped up, thursday I was in new creation church at night, thus, unable to dance tat day, Friday's night was my CCA (Foreign Bodies), so another night was sacrificed. Saturday night, I had to go someone's 50th birthday, wondering why I had such an old friend, two words for you... Dun Wonder... So saturday after I came back at ard 10:30 to 11, couldn't dance at that time cause of the disturbance tat could cause to my neighbours. My church mate by the name of Evelyn chat to me on MSN, asking me to bring my bass. So after much negotiation, I will only bring my bass, if I am able to dance for an hour in 112( one of the houses which my church owns), before the band practice start, that was the term set.

So I went on sunday to church skipping youth bible study, and when the sermon ended, we and some adults, mainly SM, SB, Lay See and Kan Leong, came together and talk abt the usage of 112. They say that we are only allow to use till 8.30pm, which is totally ridiculous. See, our sermon ends at 6pm, and dinner up tp 6:20, so roughly 7pm start and if my dance takes up an hour then we only have 30 mins to practice songs... Wat the Fuck. So I just told the youth, I dun wan to be in the band until the baptist convention starts. And meanwhile I can focus me on my dance which is not a bad idea too.

Then Aaron and Patricia fucking scolded me and said everyone is sacrificing something for the band, for me, all of them should know I treasure dance more than anything. What wrong with having ur own passion? Then they ask me to have some commitments in the band, I mean FUCK TO THEM BIG TIME, well, they say they wanna dance in church camp, do they fucking show commitments in that and practice, while I fucking choreograph the dance for them, and they wan a 8 beats freestyle each, WTF, have you ever seen a dance or freestyle with 8 beats per person, which is like less than 4 sec per person, my dogs can do way better than tat.

So Fuck, bye friends or maybe... pussies. I will leave for good, away from this old, traditional church, with not even the youth in their mind.

Khatib Jetty, The New Gang Arises

2007-03-17T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well, this was another wonderful trip for the gang "JMFR" also a great and meaningful time spend together. Too bad, Flavian din make it down with us. So ya, it was a really crap up moment, well think abt it, fishing for 12 hrs, and you catch nothing. Damn.

Well, it wasn't abt the fishes afterall, it was this sworn relationship which we have with a new added member "Rick". A gang which lasted for 2 to 3 years, hard to come by. I was made the leader or maybe the organizer, I din really bother abt this role anyway, cause i believe we are all equals and we all have the same rights to decide for the best. It is like a Covernant, one which consist of 4 people, talents which divides nicely into them.

Flavian: Sharp. Have his own stand, and will not be knock out of his ideas easily. We will nv be out of computer resources, a webmaster. And probably a hentai master too. Anime and Figuring collector, Game freak. Directionally challenged

Melvin: Wise, take things slowly and plans his move. A great "chess" player if he learns how to play. Also another gamefreak, but he is more of an online gamer. Thinks of ways which will benefit everyone.

Rick: Physically fit. Able to say he is an all rounder. However, he is scared of his "wife". A very sporty guy, always game for new stuff, love being slam into the water. And also twisting his ankle.

Something about this people which is common: They always turn up late for meetings.

Me: ????

I dunno what to say, probably they will fill up the blanks

The "Golden" Age

2007-03-05T01:20:00.000-08:00

Youth, teenagers or young adults. If you fall in this catergory, you are counted to be in the "Golden" stretch of life. Well, but we people are always look down upon by adults as useless, immature or maybe up to a point when we are called "Piece of shit".

There are adults who think that they are always right, then why haven't they become God? They always use their authority to pressurize us up to a point when we backfire. When we backfire, who do they call? They call the Boys Home or the Girls Home and ask for vacancy for their children. I mean FUCK, pardon me for my wonderful use of language, then what the hell do they give birth to us for. Is it really the Golden Age?

Worst still, some of these parents are even christians. If God allow His people to be doing this to their own flesh and blood, I rather disown this God. If God is trying to test us, fair enough, even test has a break after that. Is it really juz a test or are people trying to comfort themselves given the reason that it is juz a test?

No individual is dumb, so parents shut your fucking gap ad take a look at yourself in the mirror before poining your finger at your children. We, Youth, are old enough to make our own decisions. Especially when we are dealing with our friends.

For me, still the same for me, no matter how much you tell me how good Singapore is, I will never be patriotic. Wanna know the reason why? Everything is too realistic, we may think that buying Toto or 4D is really a waste of money. I mean who dun wanna be rich overnight without having to work their butts off? Everyone are born differently. For me, I am quite well-off. But greed might turn even the richest man on earth bankrupt, well, in our case, Singapore is turning its people bankrupt, we are paid $1500 averagely. We have to pay tax, food, transport and housing, is it ever enough. And a freaking cheap car cost ard $50 000. That is like the cost o a house. Thus, at the end of a life, you end up buying a house and a "HOUSE" if you know wat i mean.

So I want anyone or everyone when you have read this post. Answer this question: What is the meaning of LIFE? Well, when you are done, you can post it in the tagboard or juz e-mail me?

E-mail: zerokillerhellsing@gmail.com

the 0 at zer->0<- is a number

Thankz for reading my blog.

Broken Piece 2

2007-02-17T06:24:00.000-08:00

Don't you people get my message when I say " Do not sympathize me!" Stop all these msn shit "To jona:...." Damn I hate it.

Anyway ya, to people who are worried about me, worry not. Cigarettes are by my side, I caused this mess myself, and I will live to clean this shit up.

Life as a mafia back then suits me pretty well, buddies who fight along side with me. It became a second family for me, people whom I can trust, people whom I can turn to. My real family slowly faded, parents who don't really know what we really need and want. Some people just don't understand why I chose to have this "second family", cause they have never been in this situation before.

I have this dream, probably a nightmare which had stayed with me since I was very young, that I was left off alone at a grass patch at some Natural Park, then came a lady with two kids, a boy and a girl, they gave me something like a bread to eat, then I follow them home. The lady and her kids is none other than my mum and my siblings now, I don't really know how much this story is worth. But I bet this story is somewhat true and brings a change in my life. Thus, I can't be like you kids, and trust your family wholeheartedly. When something bad happen to me and my family, I always hope this dream will come true, and whoever my real mum and dad is, they will bring me home.

This is something which I kept to myself all the time, no one knew about it. And if a moon child really exist, I would like to be bitten by one, and walk the earth for eternity and laugh at the pathetic human race.

Well, this ends my second post. Enjoy my fellow readers... while you still can

Broken Piece 1

2007-02-16T07:47:00.000-08:00

This is a new blog for me, it talks more into my life...

I have been totally tear apart by the world, disgusted by it. I have never felt so alone, though friends are still around. I feel no more love neither from family or anyone. No matter what I do, it doesn't seem right.

To the girl who left me: I still like you but my character just doesn't suit yours, it is not my fault that my character is like this. Ever watch "I not stupid 2", I do not wish to be this way, It is due to the rejection and biased views I face from the world which make it worst. The scars that bears on my back marks the symbol of pain and gangsterism, it will not fade. As long as the world continues to hurt me, the scars burns deeper.

For my life now, I am as good as dead, I bring no hope to anyone. Disappearing from this world seems to be the best option, but having the guts to do it? No, I dun think so.

There is a saying that goes "What that doesn't kills you, makes you stronger", I have rely on it many times to get life going, so how much it take to endure something before it force you to kill yourself? I am really mentally challenge by how real the world and how materialistic the people can be.

FAMILY: What does it read? Father And Mother I Love You? Hey come on, do you think it really exist. Yes, in fairytales. What do your family members know about you? Probably nothing, if i am the case. Home has already become a place for me to sleep and thats all. It is no longer a place where i seek love and warmth.

I do not write this blog to seek sympathy from anyone. It is just a place I wanna voice my thoughts.